tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29665751495025024512024-02-01T23:20:54.601-08:00RamblingsSometimes I get words in my head and I must put them somewhere. These ramblings of mine may mean nothing to you but I hope that someone can learn something or enjoy the stories or be inspired.JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-9410891733004636382010-01-07T20:11:00.000-08:002010-01-07T20:29:48.193-08:00Crossroads<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFX1vwlTNOFxDqbboMTEdh0nmXVWGlZQ-lM1wAAhKje7LHcDZgW6gu7009v9O0-ABw_-wL2ot7TOVi164x92d5X0vLEfZvB5NoGN4FED1-2VShQwF_Yyvpjp883p3ybRU_lES8yFoCWwY/s1600-h/IMG_2983.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" 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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal">At every decision life comes to a crossroad.<span style=""> </span>Each decision will change your life forever.<span style=""> </span>I’ve made a lot of wrong decisions in my life but this is what my life would have been like if one decision had been different.</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Hey, Rachel! So you comin’ tonight?” Ben yelled in a slightly breathy voice as he ran to catch me in the hall.<span style=""> </span>His arm came around my waist and the smooth smile slid across his face.</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Yeah, if I can get a ride.” … Do I even want to go…probably not but what are the other options.<span style=""> </span>Hmm, <i style="">youth group</i>, what a joke.<span style=""> </span>Why would I hang with those people they don’t even pretend to be my friend, not there anyway.</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“You know I’ll be there, baby.<span style=""> </span>Always.”<span style=""> </span>The roughness of his voice portrayed the emotion, no the longing, held there.<span style=""> </span>His lips pressed against my face, so warm and firm, almost hard.<span style=""> </span>Wonderful.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal">“Pick me up at the church at 6:30.”</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal">“I’ll be there!” and he’s off again.<span style=""> </span>Am I not enough to hold him down.<span style=""> </span>When he looks in my eyes I know he wants me, bad, but then he runs.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Hi Rachel.”</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal">Whoa, whoa, whoa.<span style=""> </span>Mr. Goody Toe Shoes, The White Knight in shining armor. I don’t even know how to react.<span style=""> </span>I mean what does he even want me to say.<span style=""> </span>Probably just like Eric, a loser user.<span style=""> </span>He wanted a chick who could fit in his church life and still give some.<span style=""> </span>I was to stupid to know.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Hey.” Do you need anything or do you just want to preach.<span style=""> </span>I’m not giving any right now besides Ben would probably punch your face in… if he stuck around long enough.</p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Will you be there tonight?<span style=""> </span>I haven’t seen you the past few weeks.<span style=""> </span>Well, I thought I saw you once or twice but it must have been someone else because once we sat down I couldn’t find you and then afterward nobody had seen you…”his voice kind of faded.<span style=""> </span>He probably didn’t mean to say that much.<span style=""> </span>I mean seriously… <i style="">he</i> was looking for<i style=""> me</i>.<span style=""> </span>That says something about him for sure.<span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: times new roman;" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>“Yes, I’ll be there but you probably won’t see me again.<span style=""> </span>Why.” Ok, maybe I didn’t mean to sound so mean.<span style=""> </span>… Fine, I’ll try again. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Well, no I won’t exactly be there. But who cares it’s just church, not even Sunday morning.<span style=""> </span>I come to all of those… mostly.” Why do I feel the need to tell him everything. Hmmm, who knows, maybe God, prolly not.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Ummm, uh, weelll.<span style=""> </span>We’ve just missed you the past couple weeks that’s all.” Now he sounded sheepish.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Who’s been missing me? You been talking to Eric?<span style=""> </span>Has he been missing me?<span style=""> </span>You can tell him to keep on missing because I’m not coming back and he can just suffer.<span style=""> </span>I’m not looking for anyone else either so you can just go on to your little church service now and leave the big people to there play. Work all day, play all night.<span style=""> </span>Didn’t ya know.”<span style=""> </span>Sassin’ off can be fun but not when they look at you with caring, pitiful, hurt faces.<span style=""> </span>OH, don’t forget to toss a good measure of shock into that mix.<span style=""> </span>My mouth has been running to much recently.<span style=""> </span>The bruises still haven’t completely gone away from that little episode and I’m not sure all the hair has grown back either.<span style=""> </span>The pride sure hasn’t sprouted even little tufts. Never again… Oh, snap, he’s talking.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“No, no, Eric?<span style=""> </span>I didn’t talk to Eric.<span style=""> </span>He didn’t say… I just…Why would he… I mean… ahhhmmm. No I have not talked to Eric.<span style=""> </span>I missed you.<span style=""> </span>I think, well, God has been placing you on my heart and mind and so I just wanted to see how you are…”yep, my glare killed that stumbling, tripping speech. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Fine, you miss me!<span style=""> </span>Well, no need.<span style=""> </span>I’m not coming.<span style=""> </span>I’m going to a party with Ben and we’re gonna have fun and maybe do some lovin’ and we’ll be together and not worry.<span style=""> </span>We’ll laugh and enjoy ourselves.<span style=""> </span>If you want to come your welcome to, <i style="">we</i> don’t go around excluding everyone, just don’t try to hold back the party because at that point your welcome will have expired.<span style=""> </span>Goodbye!<span style=""> </span>Don’t expect to see me.<span style=""> </span>Just forget me.<span style=""> </span>It’ll be healthier for your pretty heart anyway!” With that I marched off with my learned quickness, all those years darting past people to get to classes on time… or more recently away from classes.<span style=""> </span>How did that church boy, the pretty saint, get me all riled like this.<span style=""> </span>No one messes with my emotions! Not the outside ones anyway.<span style=""> </span>I pride myself on my amazing acting skills… ne day maybe I’ll try Hollywood.<span style=""> </span>Ha!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">My little car sped through the known route to my home.<span style=""> </span>Here’s where another part of my acting comes into play.<span style=""> </span>Act semi sweet to the parentals and siblings until I can get to my room to “do my homework.”<span style=""> </span>Waste time there until it’s time for youth group and then the party.<span style=""> </span>Cool down, get the party clothes on under the plain clothes.<span style=""> </span>I hope I don’t run into S.C., <i style="">Saint</i> Charming, before Ben’s there to get me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">Oh, crap! No such luck. Errrr.<span style=""> </span>Why me?<span style=""> </span>This is so stupid.<span style=""> </span>I’m going to wait outside and no matter what he says I will ignore him and not say a word.<span style=""> </span>I will stay in control and if he does not get bored and leave then Ben will be here and I will leave.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“You’re here! I’m so glad to see you!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;"><i style="">So much enthusiasm! Can’t you just shut up and leave me alone!</i><span style=""> </span>I turned my back and glared toward the road.<span style=""> </span>Ben could not get here soon enough!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel… Hey, Rachel… Rachel, listen I didn’t mean to offend you… it’s just that you said, well, I thought that, well, you weren’t going to come and then you came and… I don’t know what to say…Rachel?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;"><i style="">Wow! Shut up, freak!<span style=""> </span>I don’t want to hear your voice and DO NOT say my name one more time!<span style=""> </span>Ahhhhh! I don’t know if I can do this!<span style=""> </span>Ben, why aren’t you here yet, not that you aren’t notorious for being late, but still, come on!<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Could you just talk to me, Rachel?<span style=""> </span>Whatever is on your mind just let it all out.<span style=""> </span>I’ll listen.<span style=""> </span>I promise!<span style=""> </span>And I’ll try my hardest not to offend you!<span style=""> </span>I just want to know what’s wrong…”Another killing glare!<span style=""> </span>Score 2 for Rachel!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“This is what I have to say!<span style=""> </span>Shut UP!<span style=""> </span>Leave me alone!<span style=""> </span>Every time a word exits your lips it offends me!<span style=""> </span>If you want to hear the rest of my mind we will have to go somewhere private so that I don’t destroy the precious of ears of all the <i style="">darling</i> little children running about!” This part came out in a deadly voice just above a whisper but he heard it loud and clear… And he still didn’t stop talking!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Wow, I’m so sorry that you feel that way!<span style=""> </span>Well, I’m sure we can find somewhere to sit that will protect all the little ears.<span style=""> </span>Besides, they would probably understand since you’re having a rough day and all…hmmm, well maybe they wouldn’t understand so well but…”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“For the last time!<span style=""> </span>Shut up!<span style=""> </span>I’ll be leaving in the next few minutes so don’t go getting all excited over some big talk we are going to have!<span style=""> </span>Did you not understand what I was saying!<span style=""> </span>No matter what you say I have already decided that it is offensive so offensive it will be!<span style=""> </span>You can do nothing to change that so just stop!”<span style=""> </span>I think he finally got it because he closed his mouth and started to turn away.<span style=""> </span>Then he turned back but didn’t say anything…yet. I turned desperately toward the road and there was my escape quickly approaching the curb.<span style=""> </span>The bass was booming, the window rolled down and Ben was beckoning me to join them.<span style=""> </span>I started to run to the car when Mr. S.C. grabbed my arm!<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“What are you doing!” I just about yelled but managed to control my voice, even though I didn’t go to church or really care about them I didn’t want them to think I was a delinquent or something.<span style=""> </span>I’m not.<span style=""> </span>“Let go of me right now.<span style=""> </span>Ben won’t get you now but just wait til tomorrow!<span style=""> </span>You’ll wish you’d never laid eyes on me.<span style=""> </span>Ben’s not so fond of other people touching his women!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel, don’t go!” He was pleading with me!!! “Stay here come in and listen to Pastor Mike.<span style=""> </span>Please!<span style=""> </span>It’s going to be a good message tonight and there are people here who will be your friends if you let them!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">I jerked away from him, ran to the car and jumped in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">I hated trying to go to sleep after a party or a make out session or basically I just hated to go to sleep in general.<span style=""> </span>I could only distract myself so much and that was so much easier to do during the day when I had school and the parties and Ben.<span style=""> </span>Masturbation only works for so long and then the guilt comes pouring in and fills me to the brim.<span style=""> </span>Every part of me aches.<span style=""> </span>I remember all that I’ve done and what I’ve allowed others to do to me and then my nights become an endless nightmare.<span style=""> </span>Trying to sleep is hopeless, a lot like feeling that is overtaking the rest of my life.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">Days busy with school. Nights filled with nightmares.<span style=""> </span>It felt like a lifetime had passed in the next two weeks.<span style=""> </span>I couldn’t forget S.C., even though I didn’t know his real name.<span style=""> </span>I saw only a couple glimpses of him but each time it was a burning reminder of everything!<span style=""> </span>Something drew me to him in some strange, convoluted way even though another part of me hated him and was repelled by him.<span style=""> </span>Ben had talked about finding him and teaching him some real life lessons but somehow I just couldn’t let him.<span style=""> </span>Then, two weeks to the day later, basically the same thing happened.<span style=""> </span>School just got out and Ben asked me to another party.<span style=""> </span>I decided I would just call my parents and hang with him until it was time for the party.<span style=""> </span>There was no way I was going to even pretend to go to youth group this week, not with the psycho stalker who apparently God has sent after me!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">So, of course he caught up with me before Ben and I had even managed to leave school.<span style=""> </span>Ben went out to the car and I went back to my locker to grab a few things and who would just happen to join my along my walk but S.C. the Psycho.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Hi Rachel!<span style=""> </span>I haven’t seen you around much and I just wanted to see how you’re doing and let you know that God will not give up on you.<span style=""> </span>He’ll pursue you and He’s willing to give His life for you!<span style=""> </span>Just accept the gift.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Get out of my life and don’t come back!<span style=""> </span>If you don’t leave me alone I won’t stop Ben when he comes to find you this time!”<span style=""> </span>That hurt.<span style=""> </span>How could he say something like that! God!!! Whatever! What a joke!<span style=""> </span>If that was true my life would be different!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel, God wants to change your life.<span style=""> </span>Set you on a new path!<span style=""> </span>There is so much more than the life you are living now!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">I was walking so fast I was nearly running and he was trotting to keep up.<span style=""> </span>I got to my locker and blocked him with the door as I grabbed my stuff.<span style=""> </span>Then I turned and sped back in the opposite direction.<span style=""> </span>He kept following along but for now he was not saying anything.<span style=""> </span>He didn’t need to say anything more.<span style=""> </span>His words were already tearing holes inside me.<span style=""> </span>All that life had trained me to be up to this point was rebelling against those words.<span style=""> </span>I had all I needed… Didn’t I?<span style=""> </span>I had Ben who kissed me and held me and made me feel loved and appreciated.<span style=""> </span>I had friends and a life.<span style=""> </span>I was invited to the parties.<span style=""> </span>I sat at the cool table or at least very near it depending on who I was dating at the time but that was normal.<span style=""> </span>…Wasn’t it?<span style=""> </span>I’m not going to think about this more.<span style=""> </span>I’ve chosen my path and right now I need to find Ben so he can take care of this jerk for me!<span style=""> </span>Why does Ben always seem to be missing at the times when I most need him? Grrr!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel, nothing you have now can be there forever, it won’t fill the voids or replace the guilt.<span style=""> </span>Only God can do that.<span style=""> </span>He loves you soo…”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Stop!<span style=""> </span>I can’t take it.<span style=""> </span>If you follow me one step further I’ll tell Ben and he will hurt you!<span style=""> </span>He will break you to pieces and then you will leave me alone!<span style=""> </span>Stop telling me about your precious God.<span style=""> </span>I’m fine!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel, I know you are going home with Ben and then going to the party but you can’t!<span style=""> </span>You will regret it!<span style=""> </span>I can’t let you.<span style=""> </span>Rachel,<span style=""> </span>this is God speaking!<span style=""> </span>Don't go to that party!<span style=""> You can't walk blindly any further</span>!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Oh, so your God now! Ha!<span style=""> </span>That’s awesome!<span style=""> </span>Go try it on someone else, not me!<span style=""> </span>You can’t stop me.<span style=""> </span>I’m getting Ben!”<span style=""> </span>All of the sudden I hit a wall!<span style=""> </span>A wall of grief overtook my mind and brought me to my knees!<span style=""> </span>All of the terrible things I’ve ever done, all my sins and regrets flowed into my mind and tore me to pieces!<span style=""> </span>The pain was unbearable but why!<span style=""> </span>Why should I feel pain for what I had done to myself?!<span style=""> </span>Who was I hurting!?<span style=""> </span>I tried to be nice to people, but they weren’t very nice to me.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">“Rachel, you are hurting me.<span style=""> </span>My son died for you!<span style=""> </span>For all of these sins that you’ve committed!<span style=""> </span>Are you going to continue to hurt him after he’s done so much for you!<span style=""> </span>I love you!<span style=""> </span>It hurts me when you hurt yourself and those around you!<span style=""> </span>You are my precious child and so are they.<span style=""> </span>You can never fully know the depth of my love for you!<span style=""> </span>Return to me, child.<span style=""> </span>Oh, child I’ve always loved you and beautiful child, you’ve always been mine!<span style=""> </span>Oh, precious child, I’m only asking you for your life!”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">The tears poured down my face my heart was breaking and being put back together all at the same time.<span style=""> </span>The pain was rolling over me in never ending waves.<span style=""> </span>I thought back over the encounters with S.C. and the many other people in my life who had tried to tell me about Jesus and I realized that hidden in the varied tones of the many voices I heard one voice in all of them.<span style=""> </span>It was His.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in; font-family: times new roman;">I knew then the answer to His question and the waves ceased to cover me.<span style=""> </span>A peace began to replace the turmoil and hopelessness.<span style=""> </span>This was my answer, “I’m Yours!” </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-43964598097248302012009-03-05T19:43:00.000-08:002009-03-05T19:54:38.787-08:00I must apologize for my last blog. I was having a down day and was discouraged. I don't exactly know if I can explain what I was feeling. I think I lost sight of God and allowed Satan a small foothold in my life. That was not a pleasant experience. When we lose sight of God we lose sight or love, goodness, forgiveness and hope. That is not a happy existence, living without God. I don't think I have ever truly been without God. I can't imagine what it is like to be a non-believer. What is it like to not know God, to not know where you are going for eternity or to not believe in eternity? How do you give yourself a purpose or who provides your purpose if there is nothing after this.<br />God be with those who do not believe. Heal their unbelief. Show them You and Your glory. God, I can not and do not want to imagine life without You. God, thank You for what You have done in my life. Continue to do a great, miraculous work in me. It has to be a miracle because if I was left to myself I would be sunk deep into sin. I have enough trouble even with You because of my nature as a human. Thank You.JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-85476565835712701572009-03-02T21:25:00.000-08:002009-03-02T21:26:13.846-08:00What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.<br />What can make me stop doing that sin? I don't know.JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-67106664860041056392009-03-02T21:09:00.000-08:002009-03-02T21:24:13.383-08:00RepeatMistakes, mistakes. They keep happening. I am hung up on the same mistake. I keep making it over and over again. I tell myself to stop and sometimes I manage it for a while. Then it comes back. I've tried many things and I don't know what to do. I have tried praying and giving myself something if I don't fall prey to this sin and other things. There is only one more thing I can think of and I have convinced myself that this will not work any more than the other things I've tried. Am I lying to myself because I'm scared to try this option (telling someone what I am doing) or have I just reminded myself of the truth? Am I afraid of what will happen if someone finds out? And what happens if it doesn't work but now I've told someone and they look down on me because of it? I don't think I would take it and besides that who would I tell. God why haven't you stopped this? I asked You to stop it. I gave you permission. I withheld myself from it. I made a deal that if I didn't do that than I could do something else. Okay so that wasn't really a reasonable promise. Although I never said You had to do that if I stopped. <br />Just so readers know, I told myself that if I stopped I would allow myself to date if anyone asked. If I continued and someone asked then I would have to say no. The problem is no one asks. I'm nearly 18 and I've only been asked out 2 times. One technically didn't even ask me out on a date it just was an iffy situation. Besides I didn't like either of those guys. They were not right and the last one asked me when I was 14 I was to young. My view on dating is that it should be done with the intent of marriage. So there is no point in dating young because all your going to do is hurt yourself. <br />Any way so that little trick of promising myself a treat didn't work. But now I feel lost and unsure. I don't want to keep doing this but when it comes knocking at my door I can't seem to resist. It's not even that pleasurable and yet I can't stop! I don't know which way to turn. I don't know which voice belongs to me and which belongs to God and which belongs to the devil. I'm sure all three are there but I can't distinguish between them, I need help but who can help me. I don't want to place an unwanted burden on someone else but I have to tell someone. God, please help me!JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-23641495493819810142009-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:002009-02-05T21:23:35.603-08:00Barb-wire Sunset<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTiTaPAyQg4niJxdNgljcISiULFvUrtCPaH_U4rbTy69oE1TNbrt8x93Gl2JhH9RVV3PyDtbEnqLFRt8i0FLNzDvwL10JxduCpr6wIkS7_9kflJa-tDMRFdOgk2XlGe_vhlMTVJE9Tsxc/s1600-h/Barb-wire+Fence.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTiTaPAyQg4niJxdNgljcISiULFvUrtCPaH_U4rbTy69oE1TNbrt8x93Gl2JhH9RVV3PyDtbEnqLFRt8i0FLNzDvwL10JxduCpr6wIkS7_9kflJa-tDMRFdOgk2XlGe_vhlMTVJE9Tsxc/s400/Barb-wire+Fence.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299549618909921394" border="0" /></a><br />I took this photo once when I was out on a walk. I saw the barb-wire and had to find some way to make a picture of it, so I knelt down and took a couple shots and ended up with this one. It is one of my favorite pictures. Something about the contrast between the barb-wire and the sun and sky. I like how the barb-wire is in focus but you can see the sun in the background. As if it's saying, "You are trapped by the pain now, but look over there. The sun is out and there is something beyond what you are feeling now."JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-30209752467460471982009-02-05T21:16:00.000-08:002009-02-05T21:18:03.182-08:00Eve, The First (Not Last) MistakeGenesis 2:20b-23<br />But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.”<br /> <br /><br /> “Ahhhh. Another cheery, sunny morning. I wonder what God and Adam are talking about right now. The air tastes wonderful. God really has created such an amazing place for us. I need to go tell God this moment just how grateful I am.” <br /> Eve thought all of this within the first minute of waking up. Now as she ran to find God and Adam she shouted out of pure joy. She felt no pain. She had no concept of what pain or fear or death were, none of those things existed for her. She reached God and threw her arms around Him. She looked up at Him like a young child who just saw her dad again after he had been away and she gave Him the most brilliant smile there ever could be. <br /> “Thank You sooo much!” she proclaimed. At that point she laughed with pure joy. She gave God a humongous hug and grabbed His hand and the three were off for another stroll in Eden. They laughed and talked all day stopping when they were hungry to grab a fruit off one of the many trees and bushes surrounding them. During the afternoon they ran through a meadow. Enjoying the feel of their bodies working together in a perfect symphony of movement. In the evening the rested in the shade of the forest where they had been walking that morning. As the sun set, they sat in silence watching the dazzling array of colors echoing off the clouds. Once the sun went down God, Adam and Eve gazed at the starry sky until finally Adam and Eve drifted to sleep completely comfortable where ever their heads came to rest. <br /> Day after day came and went. They did not feel the passage of time. They took pleasure in every moment as it came. Neither the future nor the past was an issue. Adam and Eve had no worries about what they would eat or wear or what condition their home was in. God had created for them a place of perfection and He created them perfectly, male and female. They lived in a timeless place with a timeless, wonderful God. God made them to love Him and He loved them. His crowning creation, made in His image. <br /> But God did not want puppets on a string, who followed Him simply because they had no other option. God gave them free will and when Satan made his way to Eve that fateful day God was watching every moment. He watched His beauty, His portrait turn away from Him and distrust Him. He watched her make her decision and when the time came He dealt the punishment that was due. He has given us a second chance by dying on that cross about 2,000 years ago. I can’t even imagine and I don’t want to imagine all of the pain we’ve put Him through. I think about all of the things we get upset about and make fights about and stand up for or against. Why do we push God to the back burner? Why do we hesitate when we have the opportunity to about Him who has done so much for us?JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-48430087535442553172009-01-24T19:46:00.000-08:002009-01-24T19:56:19.627-08:00Everyday HerosToday I figured out why I love superhero and even just hero stories. It's because those people sacrifice themselves to help those who are hurting. They use their strengths to cover the weaknesses of others. I realize that is something I have always greatly desired to do. I want to help those who don't have help. I want to shield them and protect them. That is why superheros have such a great appeal to people because not only do we want to be rescued and taken care of by someone but we also want to be the rescuer and the caretaker. <br />Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I feel the desire to help other with my life. I don't care if I get noticed for it or anything, that would be nice but not why I would do it. I want to serve and help others. I can't explain how great the desire is. The hard part is to do that in normal, everyday situations. As in, not complaining when I have to do something I think my siblings or someone else should be doing or helping with the chores I hate the most even when I haven't been asked and when I have been asked, I should do it without grumbling or complaining or trying to get out of it. It may not feel like a big deal but what we often do not understand is that the best way to be a hero and serve others is to help them with the dirty, completely unfun work. That's what a hero is, even if that's not what the movies say. That's what my God says! He should know, He has had personal experience!JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-51171751156320120892009-01-01T19:03:00.000-08:002009-01-01T19:15:05.125-08:00LeavingI just watched the new Prince Caspian and it got me thinking about how hard it is to leave behind some things. I can't imagine having to leave a place like Narnia. You would be leaving friends, adventures, creatures, status, excitement, and more all to go back to a routine life as a young person that few know, trading the adventure for the mundane, trading centaurs and talking animals for regular animals. I'm not sure I'd be able to do it, especially knowing I would never be able to come back.<br />In my personal life I have had some similar, although not so dramatic, experiences of this type. I work at a summer camp for the months of June and July. Every year I go there and make about 20-25 new friends among the staff, friends who know me better than any one else, friends who like and accept me any way. Half of these people I have not seen again and may never see again in this life time. I pray that when I die I will see everyone of these people in heaven celebrating with me, but I don't know. Every summer I have to leave on that last day and let them leave. I have to hug them goodbye and walk away with tears in my eyes.<br />That process never gets easier. All good things must come to an end. How sad! I can't wait for the day when I will reach heaven and I will be singing praises and partying for eternity. What a cool concept!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia8cSd5d9ATiaOK3h3gWLFQVVJE6yczE27xtgipJDpeTpD4hfsFK2JWpTROAT1HSzIh6g2eP4E_yIEZwRFl2GvG6O5FmBIhe1Kl1R6BUJeJjRMGwkHrchfRhbBDcrt-ynmy2TYAP4pWXM/s1600-h/IMG_6803.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia8cSd5d9ATiaOK3h3gWLFQVVJE6yczE27xtgipJDpeTpD4hfsFK2JWpTROAT1HSzIh6g2eP4E_yIEZwRFl2GvG6O5FmBIhe1Kl1R6BUJeJjRMGwkHrchfRhbBDcrt-ynmy2TYAP4pWXM/s400/IMG_6803.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286529199901235346" border="0" /></a>JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-20725307045266825152009-01-01T00:48:00.001-08:002009-01-01T00:50:30.553-08:00A Sick WomanI had known for a long time that I was not worth much. I wasn’t worth the dust off a man’s sandals but when He passed me by I just couldn’t resist. I knew He could heal me and yet I wasn’t worthy of His healing. I kept telling myself no and yet I wasn’t listening. The battle raging inside me, along with the pain, which was now my constant companion, caused tears to race down my cheeks. My hand reached out of it’s own accord. My fingertips brushed the ragged, worn edge of his robe. Nothing happened. He turned to me and said, “Take heart daughter, your faith has healed you.” And from that moment on, I was healed.<br />Another Bible Story. This one is in the New Testament. I don't remember exactly which book, either Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John or maybe multiple.JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-47230728530293478352009-01-01T00:30:00.001-08:002009-01-01T00:46:09.664-08:00Thoughts From a KingKing Artaxerxes, in the twentieth year of his reign<br /><br /> It has happened again. I have once again become entangled in the fate of the Jews and not without some personal risk. Okay, I am king but helping these Jews could cost me the heart of my people. Jews are often hated by my people because of their haughtiness and their beliefs that seem to place them above the rest of the world. The first time, of course, was when I rescued my beautiful wife, Esther, and her people from annihilation at the hands of Haman. Now they have come again asking for my help. This time is different, although, in some ways, I am still be asked to save them. This is not death appointed to a certain day, this would be death that would happen any time their enemies attacked their fallen city, death when they could no longer defend and protect themselves. They not only lost the safety of their walls, they also lost their magnificent holy place, where they went to worship their God. I must say that it was beautiful. Covered in gold as it was it was nearly blinding when the sun shone. It was set upon a hilltop, a beacon to be seen by all. I have heard that the inside was even more glorious although I have never seen for myself. It was said to be filled with fine decorative pieces of gold and silver, the walls covered in the finest tapestries, their was the seven-pillared candelabra which gave light to the whole temple. There were two rooms inside of these walls. The second was the most important and revered part of the whole temple. This was the room where God resided. Their was the Ark of the Covenant with the golden throne shielded by the two golden angels. This was the throne of God. All of this inside of the city of Jerusalem. Although it was an important city to the Jews, when compared to other great cities of the world it was not that significant. It and the Jews had fallen and been captured and enslaved many times. Why would a God chose to reside in such a place with such inferior people? I will never know.<br /> Now this city had been destroyed. Actually it had been destroyed many years ago and the people taken captive. My cup-bearer, Nehemiah, was a son of that city although he had been born elsewhere. I do not believe he had ever seen that city or many of it’s people because his birth had taken place after it’s fall. one day as he brought me my wine he had a frown on his face. Normally, he would have been punished, sometimes to the extent of death, for bringing his troubles before the king in such a manner, but for some reason, that was not to happen today. So, I asked him what the cause of his sadness was, since it could not be illness I knew, somehow, that it was a matter of the heart. For a moment he just looked at me. You could see the indecision and fear in every feature of his face. Then a peace visibly came over him and he replied that he was saddened by the plight of the city of the Jews. The walls had been completely destroyed and he would like permission to go back and rebuild the city.<br /> This was an enormous request and the answer was not an easy one. On one hand, why not? He was just a servant and I had many more and this was a prosperous nation I could spare him some of that prosperity to rebuild the walls of a city. On the other hand, he is my Cup Bearer. That is a position that must be filled by one whom I can trust. I do not trust easily and I was not sure I would be able to find another like Nehemiah. Also, I would have to think of my people and those surrounding my nation. What would they say? Would it be worth the trouble? After all, how trouble was this Jewish city worth? It had already caused quite a bit and there would most likely be more if it was rebuilt. If I had helped rebuild it that could bring more trouble on me. Trouble which I did not need, my own kingdom caused enough of it’s own. I looked over at my lovely wife, who was seated beside, and she looked at me with her sparkling eyes which seemed to hold the mysteries of the universe inside them. I knew then that I would be doing whatever Nehemiah asked of me because it was not really Nehemiah asking it of me. These requests came from the mouth of the Almighty and were being spoken by my cup bearer. Although I do not know as much about Him as my wife does, I know that He has used people before to perform His miraculous deeds. Just think of my Esther. The similarities between these two seemed great. So finally I agreed to grant Nehemiah whatever he wished for the rebuilding of Jerusalem.<br />Based off of the story in Nehemiah in the Old TestamentJesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-83513270322186611752008-12-31T23:13:00.000-08:002008-12-31T23:49:36.312-08:00ArtistIt is now 2 hours and 13 minutes into the new year. My, time does pass quickly. I feel words on my tongue waiting to tumble out but at the moment they are escaping me... Do you know what it is like to taste the words in your mouth and yet when it comes time to say them there is suddenly nothing there?<br />Maybe I can tell you something of me. I am an artist and musician. To me that is like saying a square is a rectangle, somewhat redundant and yet it must be stated for it to be known. A musician is an artist. There music is a creation. Each musician has there own little touch, something that sets them apart. You could hand every musician a piece of music and tell them to play it and every one would sound slightly different. I love the creativeness that comes with being an artist.<br />Besides being a musician I am also a photographer. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRwNfRWx6qOo_SpxBqDWSpJqZbfp4us4ZH0TwZg72UmhyVDQsR6Tz8fcCwuUe2zvtzwBs7zRr-3a6S4eBsnZ3mhv5wKCvhKHd5cA35HtMeRYHgxhQzU7q5LB5nP7crFOykSISrPUAYP9k/s1600-h/Bee+on+Flower.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRwNfRWx6qOo_SpxBqDWSpJqZbfp4us4ZH0TwZg72UmhyVDQsR6Tz8fcCwuUe2zvtzwBs7zRr-3a6S4eBsnZ3mhv5wKCvhKHd5cA35HtMeRYHgxhQzU7q5LB5nP7crFOykSISrPUAYP9k/s400/Bee+on+Flower.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286223224590089554" border="0" /></a><br />I love capturing beauty, expression, and movement. My favorite things to photograph are nature and people, and the nature of people. I like seeing the little things that get missed by others. The bee, the flower, the expression on a face. I also like to look at things in different ways. Sometimes I take common place objects or old rusty junk and I challenge myself to make it look attractive.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrwuXF02zSgn9mfqK7G8UB0_rrOQjt1lmytLketfm1RaAxxi-RHp7pSIAXjVeD8f-8ggO_AK_LzyYm2ooQfrfsVOhV5bwBOSPXzMPtmhaMHHQi_hjDLU2XUGE5OkRx_42ByihCuQtXb-o/s1600-h/Cornstalk+Sunset.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrwuXF02zSgn9mfqK7G8UB0_rrOQjt1lmytLketfm1RaAxxi-RHp7pSIAXjVeD8f-8ggO_AK_LzyYm2ooQfrfsVOhV5bwBOSPXzMPtmhaMHHQi_hjDLU2XUGE5OkRx_42ByihCuQtXb-o/s400/Cornstalk+Sunset.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286224603500972482" border="0" /></a>In this picture I knelt down in a cornfield that had been harvested. The corn stalks were ragged, brown, and destroyed. Yet when I saw this picture I didn't see any of that. I saw a wispy, forlorn and somehow beautiful frame around a colorful sunset.<br />God gave us many gifts in the form of the beautiful world He created for us. I love finding those things that even I miss more often than not. When I get behind the lens God seems to point things out and say, "Look at that. Isn't it amazing!" Please remember that God finds beauty in everything. He makes the best of every situation. He wants to help us through the rough times. He takes away the old and makes new. That old cornstalk eventually was plowed into the soil and new crops were planted. Each year that field turns a beautiful, lively, green. Some years I look out and see the corn stalks standing tall and proud. High above my head, reaching toward the heavens. As the breeze rustles there leaves, I hear there praises to the God who gave them this moment. And I know that even in there death they feed others and give them life. God does seem to have a way of working things out!JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966575149502502451.post-26594018401377449062008-12-31T22:17:00.000-08:002008-12-31T22:46:30.183-08:00New Year Reminiscence<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">I have spent so much of my time waiting for what would come next. Waiting for the next big event to happen; 13th birthday, 16th birthday, start driving, but now I can't believe time is passing so quickly. I'm beginning to fear that I will wake up one day and be old, gray and feeble and still waiting for something bigger. Afraid that maybe I am going to waste my life waiting wishing for more. I feel so inadequate. How can I accomplish anything? I'm not enough, I can't stop making the same mistakes, I can't seem to get anywhere. What have I done with the years that have been given me? <br />Is this all God has for me? I feel like I'm missing something, but I don't know what and I don't know where to look. I know God has more for me I just don't know what to do to until then. Am I to be forever waiting? "Be still and know that I am God."Psalm 46:10 "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me..."Psalm 138:8 But what happens when your still and you cannot discern His voice? What happens when you feel every time you try to change you go back to the same addiction and it hurts you time after time? How is that fulfilling God's purpose? Some days I know God is there and I feel Him. I can practically see Him. I have cried with joy in the presence of God and yet at this moment I can't seem to find Him.<br />The new year. 2009. These mile markers don't mean what they used to. I don't know what they mean to me now. At the moment I am feeling lost and afraid. I have made mistakes in my life and the have separated me from God. I have made this mistake so many times and I can't seem to defeat it. I don't know what the next step is. I know I don't want to be doing this the rest of my life. I want to find my way out of this mess. No, I have tried that. I want God to come and rescue me. I want Him to be my Savior. I want Him to be the love of my life. I'm tired of failing because I don't want to do things His way. <br />Now we come to the next thing. Can He be trusted with me, my life, my relationships, my ways, my reputations, my dreams? Or maybe a better way of putting it is; am I willing to give up those things to allow God a place in my life? Am I willing to give Him control and truly obey His leadership? This is the point where I always seem to get messed up, where I start slipping back to what I used to be like. I am afraid God is going to ask something of me that will hurt me, that will embarrass me, and I don't even know what else. Can I trust that everything God asks me to do will actually work out for the best and not just make a fool of me?<br /><br /></span>JesusFreak16http://www.blogger.com/profile/10476601907369318552noreply@blogger.com0